






Bubba went to the doctor for an intestinal problem. After examining him, the doctor prescribed some suppositories.
"You know how to use these, Bubba?" asked the doctor.
Bubba became indignant. "Just cuz I'm a dang ol' redneck don't make me stupid, Doc!"
"Okay, Bubba," the doctor sighed. "You call me in a couple days and let me know how you're doing."
After a couple days, Bubba gave the doctor a call. "So are you feeling any better?" the doctor asked.
"Well, doc," Bubba drawled, "to tell ya the truth, for as much good as them pills done me, I might as well of shoved 'em up my ass!"
A hippie and a lawyer stood side by side at a public urinal.
"I don't get it, " scowled the lawyer. "I make more money in a week than you do in a year. I'm better educated, better dressed, and better looking. My watch is worth more than your shitbox car. Plus, you smell like a sweatsock dipped in a bong."
"So, what's your point, dude?" The hippie asked.
"So how come your splash is so much louder than mine?" Spat the attorney.
"Simple," explained the hippie, "I'm pissing on your briefcase."

A young couple decided to take their five year old son to see the circus. After several amazing acts, the ringmaster led six bull elephants into the center ring, linked trunk to tail in the usual manner.
"What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Mommy?" Little Johnny asked.
"That's his trunk, honey," Mom replied.
"No, that other thing," Johnny insisted.
"Oh, you must be looking at his tail," Mom offered.
"No, Mommy, that big thing underneath him, by his belly," Johnny said. Realizing her son was asking about the elephant's penis, Mom got embarassed.
"Oh, that's nothing, sweetie. Daddy went to get some popcorn. When he comes back, he can tell you all about the elephants."
Soon, Dad came back with popcorn, and Mom went to use the restroom. Johnny took the opportunity to question his father. "What's that big thing hanging off the elephant, Daddy?"
"That's his trunk, son," Dad said.
"No, Daddy, not his trunk, and not his tail. I mean that big thing underneath, by his belly," Johnny repeated.
"Oh, that," Dad said. "That's his penis, Johnny."
"Huh," mused the five year old. "Mommy said that was nothing."
"Son," sighed Dad, "I've spoiled that woman."






A man went to the unemployment office to file a claim. First, he had to be interviewed.
"What was your job title?" Asked the interviewer.
"Forestry laborer. I was a lumberjack," answered the applicant.
"And how did you lose your job?" The interview continued.
"Well," explained the man, "I got tired of dressing like a lesbian, so I quit."